So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Who died my cat blue again?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize