Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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