Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
