he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
