the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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