If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
