remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
