you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
