Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
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