i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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