Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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