I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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