people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
