I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
