i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
