Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my sisters under your porch take her home
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
