OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
