I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
