just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
