Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
