I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize