you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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