It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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