Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
