I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
