I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
