I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
