Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
