If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
