i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's blow job season.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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