ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
