Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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