seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
