If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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