If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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