Sry I called you an 8
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're like the curious george of whores
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
