I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
