we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
