Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
