You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
