My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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