somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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