Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
