I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
