Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
