You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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