I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
