Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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