I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Never underestimate the power of titties
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize