Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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