How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
