remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
