My liver just broke up with me...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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