if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
