yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
