tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
