You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
