I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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