You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
