garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
