I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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