he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
