He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize