oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize