My sheets look like a crime scene.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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