I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
