haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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